Most Fires Aren't Yours to Fight: Choosing Your Battles in Leadership

On the fire ground, the greatest danger isn’t always the flames in front of you. It’s so often the unseen—the wind that suddenly shifts, the exhaustion that hits a seasoned crew, the smoke that blinds your judgement, or that single poor decision made under relentless pressure. You can be staring at what seems like the same fire you were fighting ten minutes ago, but the environment around it has changed dramatically and silently. Life works a lot like that. It isn’t just about the obvious battles. It’s about recognising what’s actually within your control, and just as importantly, what’s not.

We all face a swirling mess of difficult people, family dramas, business pressures, and a natural urge to fix everything. The temptation is to jump in and fight every fire. But if there’s one lesson I’ve learned from two decades on the fire line—while juggling the chaos of building and running businesses—it’s this: just because a fire is burning, doesn’t mean it’s yours to fight.

Learning to Size Up the Flames

I’ve been sent to bushfires across the full spectrum—some so small you could stamp them out, some so large they cover a horizon. No matter the scale, the first minutes on scene are always about assessment. I remember one fire, a few years past, that sticks in my mind. I arrived and found a large blaze running wild across a floodplain, pushed hard by winds, flames shooting up ten to twenty metres, the roar relentless. The temptation—especially for the uninitiated—is to charge in. But on the ground, experience tells you different.

The first tool I pull out isn’t the hose. It’s a map. These days that’s an iPad, with Google Maps pulled up to show in crystal clarity the terrain, the homes, and the critical assets dotted around the growing fire. I need to see not just what’s happening, but what might happen next.

Sometimes, though, it’s not enough to have a digital bird’s-eye view. When the fire is racing, especially across tricky, inaccessible ground—like that floodplain—you’ve got to adapt. Fire trucks can’t just barrel down there; they’ll bog and become liabilities. It’s a matter of strategy: what’s the best way to tackle this? In this case, I found myself present on the flank, standing between the advancing flames and a break of low, recently mown grass. A safe zone. But the critical unknown was further ahead—what lay in front of the fire, and could it keep going?

This is where information becomes power. I sent crew to scout. They reported back: more low, green, mown grass ahead. The fire would race up but then stop. No need for brute force—we set up vehicles in the safe zone, waited for the flames to hit the barrier, and focused only on catching spot fires and embers at crucial points. The bulk of the fire, we let run its course along the flank—because there was nowhere else it could go once the fuel ran out.

Don’t Attack Every Problem Head-On

This is where so many burn out—not because there’s too much on their plate, but because they try to solve every problem as if it needs to be attacked head-on. On that fire ground, a direct assault would have been foolish and dangerous. The same is true for workplace challenges, business bottlenecks, even family drama. You have to ask yourself, is this a fire I should attack from the front, try another angle, or step back and let it burn out without my intervention?

Every situation is shaped by conditions. In fire, that’s wind direction, weather, terrain. In life, it’s stress, personal relationships, hidden pressures other people are carrying. Someone at work acting out? They might be under pressure from home—sick kids, money worries, unresolved family stress. It winds its way into every conversation, every decision.

And as much as we’d like to, we can’t switch off our home lives at the office door, nor the stress of a tough business decision when we’re tucking our kids in at night. We’re human. Our brains only have so much bandwidth. When it’s maxed out, even the simplest work task feels impossible.

Self-Help Myths—and a Better Way

A lot of self-help advice gets this dangerously wrong. The message is always push harder, grind through, or else detach completely. It’s almost as if there are only two settings: charge in or check out.

But reality is messier. There’s a third way—making sound judgements under pressure. It’s a leader’s job to know when to run towards the flames and when to let them flicker out on their own.

The React or Respond Principle

Too often, we react on instinct. Someone brings a problem to us, and we snap with a solution, eager to resolve it and move on. But reacting is dangerous. It’s how bad decisions get made, under-informed and poorly timed. Instead, I believe in responding. Response is measured. It asks questions. It gathers information. It generates options and makes space for better choices.

Here’s my process, whether I’m facing a literal bushfire or a business-breaking problem:

1. Stop

The first and most important step is just to stop. Don’t charge straight in. Pause for ten seconds, breathe, and let the emotion wash over you. Only once you’ve done that can you see the problem clearly and without panic.

2. Assess

Next, gather input. On the fireground, I look at the map, check with my crew, scout ahead. In the boardroom, I ask questions, look for root causes, get more perspectives. You don’t need all the answers—70% is often enough to proceed wisely.

3. Plan

Now it’s about options. What have you got at your disposal? What are your objectives? Sometimes, like with that fire racing towards low grass, the plan is to wait it out, catching the embers that pose real risk rather than trying to extinguish the unstoppable. Other times it’s a precise strike.

4. Act

Once you’ve planned, execute. But stay agile. Not everything will work as expected. Adjust your tactics as you go. The right plan today might need to change tomorrow.

5. Debrief

This is where the learning happens, and it’s often overlooked. After every incident—fire or business crisis—I hold a debrief. What worked? What didn’t? What would we do differently next time? This is how teams and leaders grow.

Choosing Your Battles: Fight, Flank, or Let It Burn

Every fire, every problem, has to be handled differently.

• Fight it: When the issue is urgent, real, and within your power to impact—say, a health crisis, a necessary but overdue business decision. Some problems get more expensive the longer you delay.

• Flank it: When direct conflict is senseless or ineffective. Perhaps it’s a recurring argument at home or a stubborn bottleneck in your process. Change the angle. Try something new.

• Let it burn: Sometimes the chaos isn’t yours. Endless arguments, toxic negativity, attention-seeking behaviour—these can eat up your energy and attention with nothing to show for it. Know when to step back and save your firepower for the flames that truly matter.

The crucial judgement isn’t just what action to take, but whose problem it is to solve. Too often, well-meaning leaders take on problems outside their responsibility, convinced that fixing everything is what makes them effective. But real leadership is knowing when to act, when to support, and when to let someone else take the reins.

Practical Calls for Real Leaders

Think about one “fire” in your life or business right now. Ask yourself:

• What is the actual problem?

• What are the conditions that are making it harder to solve?

• What is within my control?

• Do I fight it, flank it, or let it burn?

Remember, success in leadership—or in firefighting—isn’t about fighting harder. It’s about making the right call, at the right time. Some problems demand immediate action, others require a different approach, and some simply need you to step back, stop feeding them your attention and ego, and let them resolve on their own.

Pause, assess, plan, act, debrief. Choose your battles. Most fires aren’t yours to fight—but every decision to act or stand down is.

Leadership isn’t about putting out every spark. It’s about running towards the flames that are truly yours—and having the clarity, courage and wisdom to know the difference.

If this resonates, think of a current fire you’re facing. Decide—will you fight it, flank it, or let it burn? Make your call. Then, stay calm, lead with courage, and run towards the flames that are truly yours to fight.